It's impressive the amount of times I've promised myself that I will dedicate more time to doing things I love, but in the end I never fully do it. It always feels like there's no time, or I always get so overwhelmed by everything around me, because there's always so much that needs to be done. Whether it is tidying up the house, cooking, working out, working at your daily job, taking care of your pets, shopping, etc. I've felt really overwhelmed and tired with where my life was going over the past 6 months.
About a year and a half ago I started my job as an Assistant Manager for Pizza Express. I had a few ambitions when I got myself into that role, but also some fears. I was scared I would have to work more than I wanted or could handle. I was afraid I wouldn't enjoy it. I was afraid people wouldn't be nice to me. I was terrified of so many things, but being determined like I am, I promised myself that I would try my hardest to enjoy it and be happy. After a couple of months I knew it in my guts that this wouldn't be the type of job for me. Working sometimes sixty hours a week, the days off changed every week, and I couldn't organise my life outside work properly. I was constantly asked to come in and cover for other people whenever they couldn't make it because they were sick, but the only time I called in sick, I was called to still work, because they really needed me. It didn't feel like I was getting treated fairly, and I was making a lot of mistakes. Things I had been shown how to do a million times, I was still getting them wrong, and day after day I was loosing more and more of that passion.
And, of course, with those long weeks and working hours, came the depression. Once again, I had lost all control over my life. There was no more time for photography, no more time for writing, and even though I have to admit I did try to post daily on my Instagram account and some days I managed to do that, after this I could go weeks without posting. I was feeling miserable, I wasn't being treated fairly, and I had to do something about it.
I am very surprised and proud of my determination during this period that went from March 2016 to June 2017, because I never quit looking for something better. I knew there had to be a better job out there. At the end of the day, all I want to do is write about anything I want, do photography, and truly dedicate some time to the things I know I can do well and that I love to do! How hard can this be?
I didn't want to give up. Some days I would literally go home and start crying. I was pushing myself too hard. Some days I had to open the restaurant and also close it, working 14 hours that day. So many times I had other managers call in sick while I was the only one there, so I had to literally stay there all day from 8am to 11pm. It was not worth it. My sanity was getting seriously affected by this, and I had to do something about it. It was not worth it, not even for the money, because I was doing so many hours a week (with a minimum 45 hours contract), that if I broke it down...I would basically be getting paid around £7 per hour. Not worth it, in my eyes. I was overtired all the time, and I hated it. People weren't particularly nice to me, and I found myself crying more often that smiling.
Trying to quit was even more frustrating, because every time I would send CV's online trying to find better jobs, all I got were negative responses. Yes, I did my fair amount of interviews here and there over this year, but they were either too far away, very little money, or a job just as bad (if not worse) thank Pizza Express.
It was time. It had to be done.
The worst part of it all was the month following my resignation. I still hadn't find a job, and my days were spent by the computer screen (re-designing my CV, sending CV's, perfecting my Cover Letter...), or even going to places and handing in CV's by hand. I was desperate for a job, and for a moment I regretted quitting Pizza Express so suddenly. But it had to be done.
Even though I was panicking for not being able to find a job as quickly as I would have wished, I actually used this time to do the things I love! I wrote a lot and I took a ton of photos every single day, posting them without missing a day! I got a few more followers on Instagram because of that, and for as ridiculous as this may sound...it actually gave me back some purpose in life. Here are some of my latest Instagram pictures so you can have a look: